Blog | The X Factor – The weekend of crying judges and one out of control crotch

Lydia Lucy

I’ve got such little faith that the Sunday shows are actually going to get better that I’ve decided not to give them their own blog post. They don’t deserve it.

Saturday.

Last Saturday I watched The X Factor with my Mum and my Nanny. I always find Saturday night television with the whole family to be an experience like no other.  When it comes to The X Factor you can tell when an act’s good because they’ll stop talking for a second. There can’t have been that many impressive acts because when I re-watched it on Sunday morning I heard a whole bunch for the first time.

So, at the start of the episode we were reminded of the existence of James Arthur. He must have a single out or something. James Arthur is fine and all but to me he will always be the one that got chosen over Ella Henderson. As for the rest of the show, well, it was sold as being ‘the week of the groups’, which was a stretch to say the least. I think it would be fairer to say it was ‘the week where wealthy contestants got through’. If last week was the week of the poor, this was the week of the rich.

So what of the groups? Well we had ‘the wasps at the picnic’, Ryan and Liddia, the group that were committing symbolic violence all over the shop. Brick City, a group for whom the only notes I had were ‘it’s good to see a mixed gender group that isn’t like Steps’. Rough Copy had great voices, but I fear the UK still doesn’t know what to do with the sort of vocal harmony groups (overwhelming men of colour) that sell so much better in America than they do here. There was Kingsland from East London (presumably Dalston with that name) who appeared to be wearing an exclusively cool-kids clothes range (my money’s on New Look), oh and a dude whose crotch had a life of it’s own. Vom.  Finally there was Next of Kin. Yawn. They did make Mum stop talking though. So there’s a market there, just perhaps not the one they were hoping for…. Great groups week there The X Factor, there were as many women in those groups as there are thumbs on one of my hands (I might be from Norfolk, but that’s still just one).

And the rest? Well, Lydia Lucy did well to get through, as did Louise Harper. My guess is that those two are going to have to do a pretty good job in the next round to stand a chance. Stephanie Woods came back and made Sharon cry. Mum’s verdict? ‘She’s had her teeth done’. There was James McDonald, who had what I thought was a lovely voice that only marginally impressed the judges. I have a feeling the public will warm to him though. Then there were the two sixteen-year-old boys, Giles Potter and Nicholas McDonald.

Giles Potter was the cheeky chappy. Did Nicholas Lyndurst and Dervla Kirwin have a kid in Goodnight Sweetheart? He went sailing through. Unlike Nicholas McDonald who could only manage three out of four yesses. Grans will love him. I say that generally because my Nanny was indifferent, but there’s not much that pleases her.

To wrap it up we have the divisive Souli Roots. I like her. I like her because she has the ovaries to acknowledge the recession. I really did think she was being constructed to look the fool, but if anything she made the panel look the fools. Good hair? ‘Can’t afford it, Can you?’ She says to the judges. Touché.

 

Sunday

Ergh. It’s Sunday night. Where do the weekends go?

So apparently we have a rowdy crowd, I’ll call them ‘Crowdy’ (I should work as a headline writer for The Sun). Crowdy saved Stephanie Woods, who has a great voice but seems to be channelling Jane McDonald. Crowdy also got behind Souli Roots. I still love Souli Roots, she’s a woman after my own heart, playing that drum and urging us all to believe in ourselves. If she’s the ‘joke’ contestant then the joke’s on them because she’s teaching us things we could all do with learning. As for other women after my own heart I give you Jeanette Akua (who? I know, I would have liked to see her room audition too), she not only had great presence but we also saw her getting rid of boys with hair spray. Feminism through feminine resistance for sure.

Crowdy however wasn’t able to save James McDonald, who I still think has a lovely voice. But, whatever. He wasn’t nineteen and he didn’t have stupid hair so I guess the judges had no choice or something. But don’t worry James, Crowdy wasn’t able to save Lucy McGuire or Emily Felix, either. Who are they, did I hear you say? No, I don’t know them either, but I guess they needed to show some people getting rejected or else people would start to question the point of the Sunday night shows. Oh. Right.

Lydia Lucy came on saying she was stronger than they thought she was and she damn well proved it. Nicholas McDonald came on and just sang really well and reminded me of a little Gary Barlow only better. Remember when Gary wore the Christmas jumper? Well, he would do well to remember that time in his life.

And what of the groups? Well we only saw three and it was all a bit of a sausage fest. We had Rough Copy who again demonstrated that they have such good voices.  I hope this is a vocal harmony group that makes it. Their voices are so good. We had Kingsland who all have that hair where it’s all on the top of their head. Their name is perfect because they couldn’t be more East London if they tried. Sorry to the rest of you in East London, I know you have to put up with them every day. Oh, and what of the crotch? Under control tonight. Oh, and there was Next of Kin. One of the judges, I can’t remember who, said that there’s a market for them. Yeah. My Mum.

Apparently next week it’s the last of the auditions. Hooray? Better see some girl groups, that’s what I say.

Tori Cann

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