The X Factor: Love and Heartache

X Factor

X Factor

It’s love and heartache week. Heartache indeed. If it wasn’t bad enough that we lost Lorna Simpson last Sunday, we have misogynist extraordinaire Robin Thicke contaminating our screens tomorrow night. Hear that? It’s the sound of a thousand feminists’ hearts breaking across the nation.

And what of Saturday night’s entertainment? Well, a relatively uneventful one I thought, the only excitement being provided in that rubbish flash vote with the shocker of teen favourites Kingsland Road finding themselves in the bottom two. Given that I thought the flash vote would serve the young ‘uns who have the mobile generation on their side I honestly didn’t think Kingsland Road would have a problem. This probably means that about three people vote in the flash vote.

Let’s start with the groups shall we? I think the groups are probably the category I’m most excited to see each week. We’ll start here not only because Kingsland Road failed to secure their place into next week, but also because we don’t get a Miss Dynamix performance this week with SeSe having been taken ill. Will they get a hard time for getting a free pass? I almost certainly think they will. I wonder how many will take the opportunity to say that pregnant women shouldn’t be allowed on The X Factor? I hope they shut everyone up next week with a killer performance. As for Kingsland Road, well they came on and gave a creepy performance of Bruno Mars’ Marry You complete with their ‘brides’. Not just creepy but also cheesier than a fondue party, pretty good explanation for the predicament they find themselves in. Meanwhile Rough Copy were as fantastic as always, so business as usual, nothing to see here!

Out of the girls Tamera and Hannah were on fire, while Abi struggled a bit with a song that sounded like it was out of her range. I think she might be in trouble this week and I wouldn’t fancy her chances against Kingsland Road if that’s what it comes down to. Hannah’s take on Xtina’s Beautiful made me quite like the song. Tamera sang Emili Sande absolutely effortlessly and I would think that should see her sail through to next week (probably on one of Luke’s boats). I was a bit worried she might have been a bit too much last week but that was certainly not a concern this week. That said, I do I hope that Tamera doesn’t turn into Christopher Malone with her Nan.

The overs? Another week where they struggled I think.I had totally forgotten Sam Bailey was even in the competition by the end of the show, and while Shelley Smith is memorable I’m starting to fear that the producers have long since stopped trying to take her seriously. Single Ladies? Really? Singing on a massive diamond ring? Really?! If that wasn’t bad enough Shelley is one of those contestants where I just can’t imagine anyone saying, ‘wow, I can’t wait to get my hands on that new Shelley Smith album’, you know? I don’t doubt that she’s a nice person and all but she has crazy eyes when she sings, has anyone else noticed that? Crazy.

In the boys category Tiny Tim actually surprised me in a good way, Sam Callahan performed in front of what looked like a Tron version of Guitar Hero, and Luke Friend resembled a gap year student that has just got back from Bali. Give the boy a pair of Toms already. I would imagine they’re all safe.

As for tomorrow, will I be boycotting or getting to know the enemy? I’m as yet undecided. Either way I reckon Abi Alton will be in trouble this week. Abi or Shelley. I don’t much fancy the chances of anyone that goes up against Kingsland Road.

Tori Cann

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